


Monster

by Funfactskiddos1705



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28496394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Funfactskiddos1705/pseuds/Funfactskiddos1705
Summary: After Reid is released from the Federal Penitentiary , someone shows up to his house to try to calm him down.M/MMoriedSmut/Fluff/AngstTalks about rape, hints JJ and Emily
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	1. Coffee Cup

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work about Reid after prison! I hope you enjoy!

Spencer had broken his morning routine; getting a cup of coffee, running his hands through his hair, and then taking a shower, with the coffee cup, during his stay in the Pen. Usually waking up at 7:00, drowsy, he now woke up 5:00 sharp, his eyes would snap open from whatever nightmare he had. He would get out of bed, automatically remaking it, just like he had to in the cell, and he would go to the bathroom to strip, getting the shower ready, instead of stripping in his room like he used to. He was uncomfortable with people seeing him again, always scared that someone might come up behind him.

Loud 80's hairband music played in the background, he kept it on 24/7, unlike his usual operetta, this kept his mind from wondering, the sounds were to loud not to focus on. He didn't enjoy the noise, but they were Gideon's, and he thanked the older man for having such a, well, taste for ear splitting music. The records were the first thing that Gideon gave him, knowing, probably sensing, that this field would make him need them.

In the shower, he would keep the door closed and locked, his shower curtain closed, expect for at the back, where he had a perfect view of the door. He never closed his eyes, even when the water ran down his face. He just kept his eyes locked on the door. Shampoo and conditioner would occasionally get in his eyes, but he wouldn't shut them, he would curse the stinging. If it got really bad, he would punch the tile of the shower, leaving his hand a bloody mess, but he just washed the blood off, cleaning it when he got out, and wrapping it. Today was not one of those days.

He listened to the hun of the music from outside the locked door, as he stepped out, again looking around, and began to dry off. His clothes in plain sight, he began to get dressed. His hands shaking as he buttoned the navy blue dress shirt. Sure, he didn't have to be at work today, but he never went a day without showering and getting new clothes on.

Today will be a better day. He thought opening the door, the track changing as he felt all the steam and heat leave. He shivered, walking into the kitchen barefooted. His hair was still wet and left a train behind him, he shivered even more as his feet hit the ice cold tiles. He began to prep the filter with coffee grounds, his mind on the music, as he filled the coffee pot with water.

Derek Morgan, one of Spencer's closest friends , that he hadn't seen much longer than the time that he was in prison, stepped out of the elevator, a cup of Spencer's favorite coffee in his hand. As he walked through the hall, looking for his "Pretty Boy's" room, he heard the hum of the music. This was unusual, since when he last seen Spencer, he would never have music loud, or even be awake at this hour. He looked at his watch, 5:57. But then again, he thought, Baby Girl did tell me he changed since... he couldn't bring himself to say that the youngest member of the BAU had been imprisoned.

He walked closer, the music muffled by the door. He smiled, yet got worried by the song "Pour Some Sugar on Me," playing. He got nervous, maybe someone else was in there? I mean.. maybe he changed A LOT. He shook his head, this was his Pretty Boy, even if he had rougher edges around him. He opened the door, using the key he always kept on him. Secretly, he would wear it as a necklace and told anyone who asked it was for good luck, but in reality, it was just for him to be closer to the boy genius.

He walked through the door, the music, if possible got even louder, it seemed to suffocate the room. How did he not have a noise complaint? Oh, yeah, his only neighbor was a nearly deaf elderly woman. He smiled to himself thinking of all the times she had cooked for him, and a faint of nostalgia hit him. He saw her, pulling him into her room.

"You visit him a lot," she winked, "just promise me you won't hurt him." She smiled, kissing him on the cheek. "I won't ma'am." He smiled.

As he walked through the living room, the music got louder, it was actually staring to hurt his ears. He looked around, everything seemed to be in place besides some books on the table. The couch looked like it was starting to form dust. He smelled coffee, and looked down at the one he brought. He felt a little silly, and then that stoped when he felt queasy.

He stood in the door way of the kitchen, finally finding the source of the music, and he turned it off. Spencer shrugged it off, thinking it was changing tracks. Derek noticed his back to him, as if he didn't hear him come in. In his hand, was a coffee cup, his hand ran through his thick, wet, curly locks. Derek had never seen him look like this. His hair was everywhere. Spencer ran his hand to his face, feeling stubble. I'll shave later, he thought, knowing he wouldn't, he was always scared that if he put that razor to his face, he would do something worse than just nick his cheek.

"Pretty Boy?" Derek whispered, his eyes filled with shock.

Spencer, fear filling his system, tensed. Fear was replaced with adrenaline. In one smooth motion, he smashed the coffee cup, the biggest, and well sharpest piece in his hand. Blood ran down and dripped onto the title from the shards.

Derek stood scared, genually scared. He watched as Spencer turned, a crazed look in his eyes, that the older man had never seen before. He held his hands up, seeing the shard in Spencer's hand, he knew that Spencer intended to use it.


	2. Achielle’s Heel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer is surprised, to say the least, when he sees Derek.

In the split second between someone talking to him, and smashing the glass, Spencer's mind came up with 3 possibilities of who could be behind him.   
1.) It was Luke Alvez, who liked to tease him about his crush on Morgan, and liked to call him pretty boy to tease him. He though, had told him that if he kept calling him that, he would slit his throat.  
2.) It was one of the inmates. They had known how to get on his nerves. But that didn't explain why they called him "Pretty Boy".  
3.) It was the one and only Derek Morgan, the only person who held Spencer's heart. But that didn't make sense. He wouldn't have came back. He left, and to Spencer's better judgment, he knew that he would never come back. He had said goodbye... that had to count for something right.   
He had ruled out the last two and had smashed the glass to show he wasn't fucking around. He hated when Luke called him that, it wasn't like Derek. It didn't have that flirtatious hint to it, it was just harsh. He turned around and his eyes filled with tears. It was his Derek.   
Derek's eyes relaxed, and he noticed Spencer's scruff. He looked 100% different than the last time he saw him. Spencer's hands were stills bleeding as he gripped the sharp tight, but his hand had fallen to his side.   
"How-" Spencer choked, a tear running down his cheek, his body trembled with tears.   
"Baby Girl told me that you would be here, she wanted me to-" before he could say anything else, he heard that shard fall on the floor, his body behind wrapped up into a tight hug. He felt the blood soak through his shirt, and the younger man, slumped into him. Derek wrapped on arm around him, and set the coffee down on the table and wrapped the younger man up.   
"I got you some coffee," he felt the younger of the two, burry his face deeper into his shoulder. He smiled, loving having his Pretty Boy in his arms again, and then at the same time, hating him crying. He picked him up. His back in his left arm and his lean, long legs, hung from the right. "Let's get you cleaned up," he whispered. Walking Reid to his bedroom, he noticed something odd. When he reached the laundry room there were two bowls, one filled with food, the other water. Did he get a dog?   
He opened the door to find a small orange tabby kitten on the bed, curled up on one of the pillows. He chuckled, of course a cat. He laid the smaller man on the bed, but Reid still was clinging to him. The kitten woke up, and trotted over to its owner, purring and head butting his back. To no avail, it trampled up his back to look at the other man and began to lock his hands. Derek had forgotten just how odd cats were, being around a dog 24/7.   
"What's your name little one?" He asked the cat. He heard a sniffle, and then Reid answered, "his name is Patroclus,". Derek's eyes widen, "My dog's name's Achilles," he sat down next to him, "I remember you told me he was in love with his best-friend and it always-"he stopped, not wanting to seem obvious.   
Reid pushed his head up, "you remembered that, all theses years?" He questioned, knowing he had told him that over 5 years ago. Derek nodded, ruffling the younger's hair. He stopped himself before he kissed his forehead, "I, uh, I'm going to go get a wash cloth so I can clean you up," his eyes met warm hazel, and for the 19746382 time that day, his heart fluttered looking at the young man. A small strand of hair stood up, and he chuckled licking his finger to try to soothe it. As Derek licked his finger, Spencer felt his slacks start to get tighter. "Uh, yeah." He groaned out, his vision going to his messed up hand. "I can go with you," he smiled.   
They walked to the bathroom, that was adjacent to the master bedroom. Spencer closed and locked the door. Derek was surprised by this, but didn't say anything not wanting to embarrass the other. "Sit down on the toilet ,kid." Can I even call him that anymore? He looks older than me now. Shaking his head, he'll always be a kid. He reminded himself.   
"I'm so sorry," Spencer whispered. Derek turned from wetting a wash clothe.   
"Pretty Boy, what could you ever be sorry about?" Spencer's gaze went to the floor.  
"Well, for starters, trying to attack you. I thought... I thought you were someone else," at this Derek raised an eyebrow. "Someone else calls you pretty boy?" He tried to hide the jealousy in his voice, but he failed.   
"Sorta, to be honest, your the only person who calls me it not to tease me," his body went limp. Tears rolling down his face again. Derek hurried over taking his hand. He didn't mean to, but Derek used to do this every time Spencer was hurt, so it just became instinct.  
He ran his thumb across the knuckles of the others hand, he felt scars, but decided he would bring it up latter. "Who the fuck is teasing you?" The tone of his voice made Spencer flinched. So that didn't change. "I'm sorry pretty boy, I didn't mean to-" "Luke Alvez,"   
At the name Derek stood still, the fucker who the BAU hired after I left? No it couldn't be. He thought back to what Penelope had told him. "Be careful, Luke likes to tease him, I have no idea why. Spencer has told him to stop and even threatened him. We all have." His hand tightened around Spencer's. Spencer rested his head in the other man's arm.   
"Trust me, he wont be teasing you anymore," the man said through clenched teeth.   
"I don't need," Spencer sobbed. Derek leaned down," I don't need you fighting my battles." He said in his best Reid voice. The younger man looked up and smiled, swatting him with his free hand, flinching from the pain.   
"Oh and I'm sorry for your back," he said looking at the blood on the back of his shirt which was visible from the mirror. "I'm sorry about what you heard about me, it was hell," he whispered almost inaudible.  
Derek, in one swift move, took off his shirt, his muscles working when he finally got it off. The same tightness Spencer felt before happened again and he crossed his legs so his bulge wasn't exposed, but he moaned under his breath from the friction.   
Derek smiled hearing the moan, he had always loved the noises the younger man made. The squeaks, moans and grumbles he made just in everyday conversations. God, think of what he sounds like during-  
"Derek, I think I have shards in my hand," Spencer squeaked, looking at his hand, studying it. This brought Derek out of any thought. He brought the wash clothe with him and dabbed gently. He saw Spencer flinch and decided this was hurting him, not helping. In a moment of not thinking, he started to unbutton Spencer's shirt.   
The younger man blushed, his breath hitching at the feel of Derek's warm, caramel hands on his bare chest. "Derek," he moaned, this time, the older man was the one to feel his pants tighten.   
"Sorry kid, I should've asked, I think taking a shower would make your hand better," Spencer opened his mouth to speak but new it would be futile, once Derek made his mind up, there was no changing it.   
The older man, done with the shirt, started to tug down the younger man's slacks. He was on his knees and Spencer's mind was racing. He could no longer hide his blush. His face was bright red.   
"What happened to the Star Wars boxers?" Derek chuckled, "How did you-" Derek laughed harder, "I didn't, but you just-" he stopped looking at what the man was wearing.   
"They make laced boxers?" His breath hitched, taking in the younger man in lingerie . He couldn't ignore the throbbing in his pants. It was getting unbearable. Seeing Spencer like this, if drove him crazy.   
Before he could stop, he was taking those off in a tug. Admiring the naked man in front of him. He noticed that Spencer was hard, his member leaning on his stomach. Could you even call it that? He was full muscle. He felt the throbbing again. He smirked, groaning under his breath. "Uh, I should probably get in the-" he stopped when he noticed the hungry look Derek had, and he worked his own pants off. "What are you-"  
"I have to check for shards, and I don't want my clothes wet," they both smiled. Spencer knew that he would never admit his feelings for Derek. Derek leaned down and took his black boxers off.  
Spencer looked up and down his body, and the other turned on the shower, he noticed the other was hard as well. He had to swollen the gulp in his throat, but it didn't help him from twitching. Derek knew he wouldn't have been able to express his feelings in words.


	3. Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️ Smut

Spencer went in first, Derek holding his hand so he could steady. Derek didn't want him to use his bad hand to touch the wall and be in worse pain. Derek stepped in after, he noticed dents in the shower. "What happened-" he stopped when he felt lips on his. Spencer, making the first move? He didn't care what his mind thought, he wrapped his arms around the other man's waist, feeling them rub up together, and Spencer moaned in their kiss.  
"God," Derek moaned after they both had to breath. Stupid human lungs, Spencer thought as he stared at the other man. He was panting, like he had just ran a mile.  
He could feel the water on his back, but he didn't care. All of sudden his mind went to the door, making sure it was still locked. "What are you looking at, Pretty Boy?" Derek moaned in his ear.  
"Uh, door," he whispered, nodding toward it. Derek looked, the door was still closed and locked, "What with the door ,Spence?" He moaned again in his ear.  
Spencer couldn't help it, he didn't care how bad it hurt his hand. He grabbed the other by the shoulders and pinned him to the tile. Derek gasped, maybe it was his back hitting cold tile, or maybe it was, he'd never seen Spencer be dominate. Spencer took that as a sign to go on, wincing in pain. He started to kiss the Carmel skin on his neck. Sucking and nipping, running his hands down the older man's chest. "Spence!" Derek moaned, his eyes closing, not noticing the blood on his shoulder. Spencer bit harder this time, drawing blood, but Derek just moaned loving the sucking feeling. He didn't care if he was hurt, as long as Spencer was okay.  
Spencer kept sucking on the spot, oddly loving the taste of the other man. He felt himself twitch again, and in a moment of sheer madness, he took Derek's hand and placed it on his member. Spencer's eyes rolled up into his head when he felt the older man touch him. "How did you get so good," Derek moaned.  
"Honestly," Spencer stoped and blushed, "I’ve never been dominate." Derek's eyes widen, "My boy wonder," he smiled.  
"I uh, I've been saving myself for you," he hiccuped. Derek new he did this when he got scared and took his other hand and cupped Spencer's face. Kissing him again, "Don't you dare worry." He sang. He just then noticed Spencer's right hand, the one with a the blood. Which now was all over his shoulder, back and chest.  
"Let's get this taken care of, and then," he smiled, his eyes filled with mischief ," I'm going to carry you into that bed of yours and have my way with your tight ass," he growled. Spencer blushed more. His member throbbed agin, but he knew Derek was right. His hand needed attention.  
Derek led his hand to the facet, blood being cleaned from tiny cuts. Derek already started to notice shards of glass, "This might hurt," he said trying to get them out, "we might have to take you to the hospital,"  
"No... please" Spencer said, scaring Derek. "Kid, what's wrong with the hospital?"  
" Penelope will get an alert when I get admitted and I don't want them to know why I'm in there..." he looked down, "that I broke the mug... I told Alvez that if he didn't stop... I would slit his throat. And they already thought I had stabbed..." he couldn't talk anymore, he was sobbing. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I choked her... I wanted to feel her life leave her body after what she did. I choked a woman, Derek, I'm a monster. Everything changed... I... I changed. I poisoned men...all 'cause I wanted to help my mom." he turned facing away from Derek.  
Derek stood shunned, I knew about Cat Adams, and I guessed about the Luke thing... but the poison. Prison did change him, he shook his head, he's still my pretty boy deep inside. I mean look at him he's crying. He's crying! Derek wrapped a arm around the others waist and twisted him around, almost making him fall and catching him.   
"You could have called me to get the medicine in Mexico," he said, soothing him, running his fingers through the thick mane of hair. "No, they wouldn't have met with you,and I thought you wouldn't answer your phone,"  
"And you know that none of that makes you a bad person, look at me, Reid, none of that. I know you don't want my sob story, but Buford rapped me, just like Cat Adam's did you. Yes, that's rape. And we both know I had an extensive criminal record sponged, and I've killed people Spencer. How many have I killed just because the UnSub had hurt you." He soothed, rubbing the others back. The other man just sobbed. "You need medical attention, and if the team says anything-" Spencer looked up and smiled, kissing the other man on the check. "We best get dressed then."  
Spencer smiled and got out of the shower, followed by Derek.


	4. Hosptial

The sun hung bright in the sky, which made the younger man flinch and cover his eyes with his hand steadied at his brow. He hadn't been outside in what, 35 hours, 7 minutes and 35, no make it 36 ,seconds. As they loaded into Derek's SUV, dare he let Spencer drive, even on a good day, Spencer slapped down the sun visor, laying his head back on the head rest, his eyes closing. "Do you want some sunglasses?" Spencer molded, never lifting his head up or even opening his eyes. Derek reached over and grabbed a pair. "Do you need me to put them on you?" Derek teased putting them on his lap. Spencer looked down, "Derek! That's where my sunglasses went! Did you take them?" Amusement lit up his eyes as Derek pecked his cheek. "Maybe I had to have something of yours."   
Derek stared at the clock on the dash board, 11:27. He sighed, he had been over at Reid's for more than 5 hours and still his hand wasn't cleaned up. God your so stupid-he stopped mid thought as he felt Spencer's hand on his thigh as he looked around. "Do you, do you think-" he stopped trying to form the words, "do you think they'll hate me?" Derek was shocked, this was something he never expected. "Pretty boy, why would anyone hate such a precious thing?" He cooed.   
Pulling up to the hospital, Reid turned himself to look at Morgan. Morgan parked the car and waited for Spencer to speak, or get out of the car, whichever came first. "I told you everything I did, and now they're going to know about my hands," he looked down, shaking his head.   
"Hands?" Derek asking, knowing he would finally get the answer to his question earlier.  
"I've been..." Derek hoped he didn't say what he thought he was, Spencer... please for the love of God don't be using again. "I've been.. I've been drinking and when I get to the point that I'm going to pass out, from just intoxication, I see her Derek. I see her smiling face... and I want to crush the life out of it. So instead, I end up punching something," he looked down, "usually I don't end up hitting anything, but if I do, it's the tile in the shower. My hands are always like this ," he sighed looking at Derek's chocolate eyes, "what makes this time so special ?"   
"What makes it special, is that I'm here to take care of you," the older man rubbed noses with the younger, and went outside. Spencer stayed put, thinking for sure, Derek was going to run. Why wouldn't he, I mean he's seen what you've become. You're nothing like when you first started at the BAU.   
The door next to him opened, Derek's outstretched hand came through, taking Spencer's. Licking his lips, he watched as Derek lead him inside. The doors slid open, showing a waiting room full of people. Spencer shook his head, one he hated crowds, he always did, and two, "I'm fine Derek let's go back," He said grabbed the other man's shoulder. "There's so many people who need attention before me,"He stressed. Derek shook his head and started to head over to the receptionist.   
She looked just how you expected, like a elderly Penelope, well without the spark in her eyes or the flashy clothe, or well the smile. Thinking of it, she looked nothing like Penelope besides that she was well, a girl, on a computer and had cat eyed glasses. Shaking his head, Derek cleared his throat, trying to get her attention. "Sign in with the Roslyn," she sighed, her hand instinctively pointing over to the parallel chair, that was absent.   
Getting pissed off, Derek slammed his hand down, Spencer winced. The entire room hushed, to an almost eerie silence, as the receptionist, the name plate read Anne Marie, looked up.   
"What can I do for you, stud?" She sounded just like that Roz from Monsters INC., Spencer thought. He had watched the movie over and over again with Henry when he babysat for JJ and Emily. Speaking of which their anniversary was coming up and he had no idea what to get them!   
Derek smirked, something that the other man knew to well, he was going to dig this lady a new, "Yeah, my husband," he drug out, making Spencer shiver at the word, it seemed fitting for them, but then again, he always wanted to marry Derek. "He's injured from a fight,"   
Anne Marie looked between the two men, as Derek still had his hand, she shrugged, "well, stud," she still smiled and winked, making Spencer grow queasy again. "You seemed to be the most urgent," she said looking down at his bleeding hand.   
How hasn't it stopped bleeding? Derek thought then remembering Reid reopening it in the shower, and then the car, and probably when they came in. That boy really had to be more careful.   
She handed Derek a little clip board with paper, novel sized,clipped to it. Sighing Derek started to work on , he knew Spencer would he faster with it, because well it's his info and he is a fast writer. "Your dominate hand isn't hurt," he mumbled, mostly to himself but, Spencer winked at him, "Yeah but I think they need my hands, and you look cuter writing anyway,"   
He was on the cot, staring at Derek hunched over trying to fill out paper work. "Did you know statically, each year, at least 1.7 million adults in America develop sepsis. Nearly 270,000 Americans die as a result of sepsis. 1 in 3 patients who dies in a hospital has sepsis." Derek chuckled, and then realized that this was the first time Reid rambled off a fact. I haven't been able to ramble since I got back, sighing, Reid closed his eyes waiting for the nurse to come in and take his vitals.   
A young woman around the age of 25 came in, her blue scrubs seemed too tight on her. She seemed to squeak when she walked, that or it was the cart she pushed. Either way, she was hard to miss. She looked at Derek, "Only family members allowed, sir"   
Spencer began to swing his legs, Derek laughed at how childlike he looked, "he's my husband," he spat out to the woman's surprise. Was it really that hard to think of me and Pretty Boy as husbands?   
Of course she scoffed, Derek looked like a man's man, and I look like well, I look like shit frankly. He ran his free hand over his face.   
The nurses attention turned to the lithe man swinging his legs. "My name's Rebecca, I'll be the nurse taking care of you," Spencer chuckled to himself, "What's so funny?" The woman asked ,looking at him like he shot her dog. Derek new where this was going, "Rebecca Nurse, like the woman who was put on trails for witchcraft, well of course she didn't do it, these little girls-"   
Spencer new when he was annoying people and he stopped his rambling, he looked down to the ground, expecting the worse. "Well Mr. Reid, that was a great story," she spat out. He didn't even have the strength to say it, "Actually, ma'am it's doctor," Derek sighed, not even looking up from the paper, "also babe, can I have your wallet, I need your insurance card." Spencer smiled as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a leather wallet. Tossing it to him, it landed on the floor next to Reid's feet, but he still tossed it. Derek laughed getting up and picking it up. What happened to that satchel he carried?   
"Well I see who's got the muscles in the relationship," Rebecca spat, tying the cuff around Spencer's arm and tugging to make it go smaller, but Spencer's muscles wouldn't allow it.   
He felt incompetent, just the same he felt everyday, besides earlier this morning. She kept trying and trying to get it to go tighter, it was beginning to chafe his arm but he said nothing, just winced. Trying to just get it over with with Derek noticing.   
"Uh, ma'am," Derek began getting up, she stared at him in disgust, "you can leave, I'll have another nurse take his vitals, I'm very familiar with this hospital,"   
She scoffed and Derek watched her walk out the door with a "thank you, bye." Slamming the door behind her, he slumped down against the door.   
"I, uh, I'm sorry again," Spencer said starting to get up, tearing his right hand again, "fuck" he groaned as his hand started to bleed more and more. "Let's just get outta here,"   
Derek shook his head, standing in Spencer's way, " You know I've taken down men twice your size" Spencer scoffed and he tried to stand up, but Derek just put his hand on his forehead. "And I know you won't hurt me," Derek whispered, grabbing Spencer by the cheek, this time really feeling the scruff, "I'm going back out there and getting you a nurse, and you best be here when I get back, the last time I recalled, I still ran faster than you," kissing the other man on the forehead, "and when we get back, I'm shaving that off of you,"   
Spencer blushed thinking of him sitting as Derek shaved him. The other man, turned and left the room, eyeing Spencer from his perhitferal vision.   
————————————————————————  
12:47   
That's what the clock on the wall read when Derek finally got someone to take care of Spencer. The man, dressed in blue scrubs walked into the room, caring a chart of Spencer's medical records. Before Derek could even walk into the room, his phone started to ring. He checked it and seen it was Penelope. "I'll be back in a second, honey, I'll be down the hall okay?" He said blowing him a kiss.   
They had only kissed a couple of hours ago, and yet Derek was acting like they had been together for years. I mean, we have been friends for more than 5 years, it's just natural. Spencer watched as the man just stood there flipping through the file. "So, uh Dr.Reid," the man started looking up, "it says you injured your hand,". The man smirk , "it doesn't say how you did," his smirk turned into a grin. This made Spencer uncomfortable, but he let it happen. "That man out there, is that your," he gagged on the word, "husband," Spencer nodded. Anger filling him. "So your hand," he took his right hand, squeezing it, making Spencer flinch and clutch his other hand in pain, a small moan released from him as he tried to control it. "Oh you don't like when another man holds your hand," he squeezed tighter, "but you let out a soft little moan," he smiled, leaning into his ear, "you know what sinners get, they must confess their sins,". Spencer knew that was on his chart, his PTSD from Tobias Hankel, and he knew that the nurse had read it, but it didn't stop him.   
He kicked up, hearing the man moan. He didn't stop though, he couldn't, rage filled him. He grabbed the larger man, by the collar of his scrubs and pinned him to the wall. He retreated backwards, then, took the man's hair, tightly in his lithe fingers, and bounced it off the wall. Punching the man in the jaw, he felt blood linger on his fingers.  
It didn't phase him, he was too far gone. Spencer grabbed the other man's stethoscope, wrapping it tight around his neck and began to tighten it around his central artery. "Please.." the man choked out, his eyes rolling up. Spencer smiled, watching the man's breathing become harsh.   
Spencer heard the door open, but didn't release the force he had on the man's neck. "Spencer!" The man called, trying to reach the man before anything worse happened. "Spencer Reid!" He growled, looking down at the file that was next to the cot, he shuttered reading. Dr. Spencer Reid has flashbacks and PTSD, from an abduction. Do Not: use narcotics, say the following: confess your sins. This may result in violence.   
The man's limp body fell to the floor. A hard kick landed onto the man's stomach, repetitively. Derek, grabbing his shoulders, whipped him around. He didn't know what he noticed first, his hand was all mangled again, the tendons showing, or the look of malice in hazel eyes, his Pretty Boy's hazel eyes. He shook him, "Spencer Walter Reid. Snap the fuck outta it,"   
Spencer blinked, over and over again. He looked at Derek, who was obviously shaken. "He..." Spencer started but Derek cut him off, "You don't have to apologize, I know what he did," his hands still on the others shoulders. "I don't know what we're going to do about that bastard," he sighed," but I know I need to get your hand taken care of. I'm going to call Penelope, and take care of whatever you did to him."  
Derek, pulling out his phone and speed dialing Penelope, and dragging the unconscious man by his feet into the bathroom.  
"Chocolate Thunder," she cooed, "is our Boy Wonder doing better?" Shaking his head as if she could see him, he tighten the grip on the phone from his ear to his shoulder as he hefted them man into the bathtub. Gasping, "Is that Spencer is he okay? Did he pass out, you best not have hurt him!"   
Derek looked over his shoulder, seeing Spencer pace the room, wringing his hands together and flinching when they made contact. "No,"he whispered, "it's Reid's newest project,"   
On the other end of the phone, the brightly dressed woman chewed on her pencil, "so like a big computer. Awe look at my hunk carrying things for him because of his-" "no," he snapped, "it's not a thing." He waited for a response, but none came. "Reid..." he trailed looking at the man, his head in his hands shaking. Most likely going through a panic attack. Derek knew that he hated to hurt people, he remembered a time that he couldn't even shot. Chuckling he remembered he was on the phone still.   
"He, he what, don't leave me hanging!"   
"The nurse read his file, you know the one that says-"  
"No," she gasped, "he's not.. not," she couldn't get the words out. It was everyone fear that Spencer would start to use again, after being sober for so long, it just seemed like Hell.   
"No, not that one, the other." The other end of the line went quiet for about a minute and then she whispered, " Is Reid okay?"   
Looking back at the man in the room, his body convulsing from tears. "Hes stunned,"   
The body in the bathtub began to stir, and the phone dropped. "What the hell-" Derek slapped his hand against the man's mouth.   
"So your going to get up, act like nothing happened and continue with your day. You read that file, and knew that was going to happen. If you even think about reporting him, or talking about what happened, I will find you. You think my Pretty Boy hurt you, just think, he's half as strong as me. And if you ever hurt my man again, it will be a great day in hell when you arrive there. And with that, he let go of his mouth.   
Derek walked the man out, Spencer shaking as he walked past him. Penelope still on the phone was shouting, "Your MAN? Derek! You didn't tell me," Derek rushed to the phone. "Fuck," he mumbled as Spencer walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around the other man. Laying his head on Derek's shoulder, kissing it.


	5. Pretty Boy

"You know," the blonde teased on the other end of the line, "if you weren't taken, I would totally snatch you up after what you said to that nurse."   
"Yeah right mama. Now to the real issue, how are we going to fix Reid's hand?" Spencer still laying on his shoulder looked around, "Derek," he whispered pointing to the cabinet. "If I can find gauze or even just a wrap I can make a stationary bandage. Even better if I can find a stent so I can't move it, but in doing that-"   
"You know I'll place it if you need my help." Derek said, watching the other man turn and clamor through the cabinets.   
"Oh, Derek Morgan, you are one lucky man, but I have bad luck," At home, Penolpe could end up at the hospital in 10 minutes, and if she really wanted to she could make it in 5. She waited for a response as she took a sip from her unicorn coffee mug. She sat in Indian style with fluffy socks on.   
"What is it, baby girl," Derek groaned hating the situation even worse. Can the kid just not catch a break. "Oh you flatter me hunk, don't worry Reid I'm not trying to steal your man," Reid from the other side of the room looked up, his hands filled with medical equipment, and wink at Derek. He shuffled over with gauze, a splint and tape. "But," she continued, Derek put her on speaker so he could wrap Spencer up.   
"The next, and frankly only place that Boy Wonder, could get medical care is at the BAU. You both know that we have a doctor on duty 24/7." Wrapping the tape tight, to stop the bleeding, the Carmel man looked at the ivory one, waiting for him to speak.   
"Do they need to know how I got it?" He asked shakily. "I don't believe so, and if they ask, lie and say you broke glass or something, okay, I'm out fill me in on the news!" The phone clicked and it was just the two men.  
"I don't want to go," Spencer whispered, looking at his limp hand in the handmade splint. "You have to, I need you better."   
————————————————————————  
I have a bottle in my desk, maybe I can, he tried to shake the thought, but every time he did it seemed more persistent. I'm in so much pain, and this will take it away. I just need a little bit, and then I'll stop. He tried to reason with himself, knowing that if he did, he wouldn't be able to stop. The high was too good. You can't do this to him, he loves you. But does he really, another voice in Spencer's head spoke. The one he always hated, so negative and malice. Or does he just wanna watch you cry again as he leaves.  
"Pretty Boy?" Why does he call me that? I mean I'm not as good looking as him. Hell I'm far from it. Maybe it's irony. He calls me pretty boy, because I'm not attractive to him. This is all some kind of sick joke. Nightmare and I'll wake up again. 5:00 and go to the shower.   
The car stopped, but Spencer didn't notice he was to lost in thought. The car was parked in a parking garage on the BAU campus. The ivory man, scrunched up into the fetal position, started to pull on his hair, hiccuping as he tried to steady his breath. Derek knew the signs of Spencer's panic attacks, yet it still hurt him watching him struggle. Music... that will... that will get my mind off things. He reaches for the radio, trying to get it on, but he just trembled.   
"That's right, take that," The taller, scarier of the two men said, shoving Spencer's head down into a pillow. "That's right sweet thang, just take it," Spencer could feel his hair being tugged on, and he tried to escape. He kicked and screamed...  
"SPENCER WALTER REID," Spencer looked up, noticing that his eyes were filled with tears and his hands were above his head as if he was fighting someone, or something, off. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours? You know you can let me in there," Derek said taking the other man's hands, "show me," he whispered. Pushing their forheads together.  
"W-Why do you call me it?" Spencer shuttered.   
"Call you what? Mine? Because ever since I locked eyes on you that first day," he smiled reminiscing about it, "this shy nerd walking behind Gideon, in what I really thought was your mom's sweater," he kissed his forhead, "right then I knew I had to heave you for myself,"   
"No... not that," Derek looked confused and then smirked.   
"Oh! Oh mean pretty?" He asked, kissing Spencer's face, letting the kisses linger softly.   
"I'm... I'm not the most attractive person there is. I'm not the most... you know." He looked at him that would explain his lack of words, and for the most part it did. Derek just shook his head. "At first I thought it was teasing. Pretty Boy... I'm not.." he sniffled.  
"Honey, you have always, and will always, be the prettiest, most gorgeous thing that I have every laid eyes on. You understand that? Pretty Boy was never ironic or a joke. I was seriously complimenting you and it just stuck. It was my way of flirting with you so that we didn't get written up, but I guess I was so oblivious about it you didn't seem to notice," he chuckled at that, "all I've ever wanted to do is make you happy and take care of you. That's all that matters to me. Now please, let's get this looked at."   
————————————————————  
The university was the same as when Derek left, well besides that he now was no longer an agent. He sucked in a breath, a little regretting leaving to go to SWATT. He regretted leaving Spencer behind, but that was all gone with the wind as he held the younger man's hand as they walked through the doors of the clinic together and looked at the receptionist.   
She was an elderly women, who looked to be in her 80s and had thick glasses. Her makeup was horrid, but in a comfortable Grandma sort of way. "Name, rank and complaints." She sighed, looking up at her computer to stare at the two men. Of course they looked odd at first. One was a gangly lithe man with blood dripping from his hand and the other a broad man with his arms around him.   
"Dr. Spencer Reid, SSA, BAU, and uh, I cut myself on glass shards." He winced as the woman's eyes prowled him. "The RN will be out in a moment to take you back, take a seat."


	6. In my Book

As they waited in the waiting room, Spencer laid his head on Derek's shoulder, sighing. Derek let his hand run through his locks. Shutting his eyes, Spencer began to hum, blood was still dripping from his hand, but he didn't mind. He just wanted Derek to hold him, he wanted the comfort. 

"I love you," Spencer whispered. Half hoping that Derek heard it and half hoping he didn't. He didn't know how these things worked. He wasn't a relationship person. Hell, he wasn't a people person. If you ask Emily he wasn't even a person! He didn't know if he was saying it too soon. Too soon, he chuckled, too soon to tell your best friend of 12 years that you love them. He went to prison, and yet this scares him more than that. Maybe he really did have abandonment issues, though he would never admit to it. 

"I love you too, Pretty Boy." Derek smiled, kissing the top of his head. "What's so funny? I hope you know that after we get that hand wrapped, I intend to ask you out properly and take you on a proper date." He smiled against Spencer's mop of curls. 

"Doctor Reid... Derek Morgan is that you?" A short Hispanic nurse asked, caring her clipboard on her hip. Spencer rolled his eyes and Derek fumbled with her name, "If you will come with me we'll get your hand taken care. Derek if you will, please wait in the waiting room." She smiled, pointing to an oaken door. Spencer hated how casually she just called him "Derek," as if they were the best of friends. 

Spencer let out a little huff as he walked to the door, holding his hand. He looked back to see the nurse following suit, Derek staring at him and surprisingly not the woman's ass. Spencer smiled softly to himself. 

"Actually, since me and Spencer are engaged can I come in with him?" Spencer noticed how he said engaged. Noting that if they were married it would be on record, but engaged would not. 

"I guess, but it's just a quick procedure." She shrugged holding the door for the couple. 

She was right, the procedure was quick, well for everyone but Spencer who was getting shards out of his hand. He had stiches and staples in place and they wrapped it for him. They were nervous that he would tear it so he had to come back once a week to see how it was healing.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they got back to Reid's apartment, Derek was greeted by the mess that both men has neglected to clean. Pactolus was laying on one of Spencer's books that were laying out on the coffee table. The book looked giant compared to the tiny cat. 

"You go sit down, I'll go clean this up, then I'm going to shave that shit off of your face." Derek smiled, kissing Spencer on the nose. 

With mock surprise, Spencer smiled, "Sir, I actually like it. Yeah, no your right it needs to go, It bothers my face to much. It itches." 

Derek began to clean up the broken coffee cup, throwing it into Reid's trash bin. Sighing as he looking around the mans living room. He had book shelves that were crooked and looked like they were going to break at any minute. His coffee table was on cinder blocks, since two of its legs broke. One of doors, that Derek assumed was a closet or a den, was missing a door knob. The window nearest to the couch, which looked like something straight out of the 70s, had a large crack Duc tapped. Derek sighed, he knew he was going to have to fix this place up to make it unhazarded to the clumsy man. He wondered how he even survived this far. 

"Remind me to fix up your place!" Derek called, smiling as her heard shuffling in the bathroom. 

"No, no, no. It's okay. You don't have to. I like it the way it is." Spencer called back. Derek smiled, he knew he was going to say that. He hated when people did favors for him, but this wasn't a favor. Derek didn't mind making his home livable. 

"Dammit!" Spencer cursed from the bathroom and Derrek came jogging in. He found Spencer with the razor trying, yes trying was the key word, to shave what scruff he had on his face. 

"I told you to wait for me sweetheart. Now sit on the toilet, and I'll shave this off of you, okay?" Spencer obeyed. Sitting on the toilet, as Derek began to shave his face. Spencer closed his eyes and leaned into his touch. 

"Is this a bad time to ask you to be my boyfriend?" Spencer asked, squirming a little on the seat. 

"Stop squirming unless you want me to nick you, and no. You are already my boyfriend in my book."


	7. At my Place

Derek, of course being raised by his mother to be a gentleman, tried to sleep on Reid's couch, or go check into the shitty motel that was across the street, once Reid had of course asked him if he could continue to play the records, on a lower volume, and began to plug in an obscene amount of night lights around the house. At Derek's request, Spencer was up at arms, being raised by his mother that guests get top priority at anything and everything, and he insisted, since they were already dating anyway, that they sleep in the same bed. There was enough room for the both of them, enough room without either of them touching, but both knew that they would end up curled up together once they entered that room. Derek, who had always packed light, had a bag out in his truck still with pajamas and a change of clothes that he had brought it in and laid out. Spencer began to get strip off his sweater, but with much difficulty, as he only had one hand to work with. "C-Can you help me?" He sighed, never liking to ask for help. It made him feel inferior, but he wouldn't admit to it. He felt the firm, calloused hands, work their way around the hem of his sweater, as he raised his arms. Derek felt Spencer tense, thinking that he hurt his arm, he stopped mid pull, the shirt over the younger's head as he just seemed to remain silent. _Reid tried to focus on the music that was playing, but to no avail, as soon as Derek touched him, taking off his shirt, he was back there, back to them. The two men that haunted his dreams, his mind, his body. It was no longer Derek touching him, it was them. "Shhh, I just want to see what is under that shirt of yours, sweet thang." The taller man moaned, as the other held Spencer down on the bed. "Oh look at how good he looks, Darnel. All laid out like that, begging with his pretty mouth." Before he knew it, the taller man, Viglianco, was staring at him hungry. His eyes all over his body, like child looks at candy._ Derek noticed how Spencer was muttering things to himself as he continued to pull the shirt off. Once off of course he could see that far away look in his eye. Eyes glossed over, he twitched slightly at every touch, and began to sway. "Reid?" Derek said cautiously, not knowing what state the man might be in. He received no answer besides murmurs that were almost to quite to make out. He didn't want to touch him in fear of making it worse. Rubbing his neck with his right hand, he began to pace in front of the man that he loved. Yes, he had seen Spencer like this before, but it had been so long ago, after Tobias. Spencer's hands shot up, in a fetal stand, his right wrapped around his stomach and his left around his face. "Fuck off, stop it! Derek... Derek make it..." he pleaded. Just the sounds of his pleads made the older man want to cry. He didn't know what tragedy this man had been through, but he knew that he wasn't there to help him, and for the that he would forever hate himself. _His mouth was forced open by Darnel was the taller one,Viglianco, began to take off his pants. Revealing his hard member. Spencer closed his eyes, shutting them hard. "Derek! Derek!" He called, to no avail. "Oh, pretty boy, your little hero can't help you in here. No one can hear you scream. Well besides your delicious moans," Viglianco smirked, smacking him. "Now be good and we'll make this easy," Spencer closed his eyes, tasting the saltiness on his tongue, his mind taking him somewhere else, anywhere else but there_. "Spencer, Spencer?" Derek was standing in front of him. Somehow he had finally gotten Spencer to sit down on the bed. He was still shirtless and a cold shiver went up his spine. "Thank you," Spencer smiled, looking down at the ground, "I mean it, thank you, and I'm sorry for uh," he couldn't quite find the words. What do you say? 'I'm sorry that I blacked out back there and was thinking about my prison days?' "Wanna talk about it ,honey?" Derek asked kneeling in front of him. He noticed Derek stilled hadn't changed his clothes yet, and felt extremely guilty. "Please , change your clothes first, get comfortable," Spencer motioned to bag that was still laying out. "Not to be coy, since I really don't know the fundamentals of relationships, but, I have a draw in my dresser I don't use, and if you want you can use it, also, if you want you can change in the bathroom," Reid shrugged. He was too tired to think about anything, it was a long day, an exhausting day, and his demons kept chasing him. "Thank you pretty boy," Derek smiled, kissing his cheek, "keep my spot warm, I'm going to change my shirt and I'll put my clothes away in the morning. I think you need some lovin"


	8. Spencie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been like forever since I wrote kiddos I’ve been so busy with school, I love you all. 💚 please read and comment

When Spencer woke, his body shook with fear, the first thing he noticed was that his usually obnoxious music was no longer playing, silence filled his dark apartment. Dark... why was the curtain closed? He always kept it skewed, there was a street light right outside the window that over looked the complexes garden. 

His blood ran cold as his eyes searched through the darkened room, his abdomen still covered by a comforter, but that didn't stop the chill that ran through his spine. The door was closed. He was positive that he was no longer alone in the house, under no circumstances would he have closed the door. 

In the adrenaline filled panic, Spencer searched for his six shooter in the compartment that he kept under his bed, his wonderous mind a fog of everything that had happen in the past 24 hours. When his thin, shaking fingers, wrapped around the cold metallic handle, his legs were already swung over the side of his bed. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, preparing himself for the worse, and started to creep to the the door, cold air rushed against his bare chest, leaving goosebumps risen on his ivory skin. He still had his socks on, mismatched, one orange with stars and the other yellow with pink gummy bears, and a pair of blue boxers on. 

When he made it to the door, he opened it pulling the handle all the way and slowly opening it to make no sound, walking out with his gun drawn before him. The hallway was just as dark as the bedroom, but that didn't mean that someone couldn't be in one of the small closet-like rooms that lined the hall that functioned as storage or better known as Spencer's many libraries. It sounded like paranoia, like his mother was speaking through him, but he couldn't ignore the fear that was creeping through him as he opened each door as he made him way down the hallway. 

To be fair, he had no idea what time it was, not checking the alarm clock in his bedroom before going full G-Man, so it could be 3 am or 7 pm for all he knew. All Spencer cared about though was finding out what caused the door to close. A shape became prevalent in one of the rooms, and Spencer flicked the light on, aiming the gun at it. It ended up being Patroclus climbing inside the cat food bag that he obviously knocked over. 

"Patroclus! We've talked about this!" Spencer hissed, not the first time he's found his cat climbing into his food and making a mess everywhere, picking him up by the scruff of his neck and scolding the neck. Spencer turned when he heard a chuckle aiming the gun at the sound. 

"Woah, woah, Pretty Boy, first the coffee cup and now a gun? I guess I really do leave a lasting impression." Derek chuckled holding his hand over the mic of his phone. "We're you just pointing the gun at your cat?" 

Spencer sighed, lowering the gun and running his hand down his neck. He had completely forgotten that Derek had spent the night, or had even came over or that they were boyfriends now. The thought of a relationship so foreign after everything that had happen. "I, uh, well. Yes, but I thought..." He groaned, looking at Patroclus rub up against Derek's leg as Derek picked him up and began to coddle him. "I've never seen him do that with anyone besides me," Spencer smiled to himself thinking about how wonderful Derek must be if even his anti-social cat loved him, "but I am mad at you." 

"What did I do, sweetness?" Derek asked, leaning into touch his arm, his phone long forgotten but murmurs could still be heard on it. 

"Why are you out here? No, no, why did you close the door?" Spencer stressed about the door as he looked down at Derek who was an inch or two shorter than him. 

"Baby, Baby Girl called me, so I went out here so you could rest, you need your sleep. Not to be rude, but you look like you haven't slept in years. I closed the door, foolishly, so I didn't wake you honey. I didn't want to bother your sleep." 

"That's so.... sweet of you." Spencer melted into Derek's caress, "Shouldn't you still be talking to her?" 

"You know you come first to me. Now let me brew you a pot of coffee since I know when your up, your up, and we can talk about what happened before you went to bed." 

Spencer looked confused at first, wracking his half awake, coming down from a panic attack ridden brain, and then looked at his feet. He knew sooner or later he would have to tell Derek, but he would like to choose the later. He didn't want the pity that came with the stories. He could recall like it was yesterday and not years ago, when he told Derek about Alexa Lisbon and the goal post, his fear of blind fold and the fact that even to this day he hates football, which is something they both had in common. What he didn't tell him was that was in fact not the worst thing that Spencer had ever endured. He was 12 when he graduated high school, and a lot of things can go wrong right off of the bat. Speaking of bat, he was on his father's t-ball league when he was 6, along with Riley Jenkins, the boy who will forever haunt his past. He was suppose to be that boy, he told himself constantly, that died instead of him, Gary Michaels wanted to play chess with him, but most of all, his father had always told him that he was after all, a good toy. When his mother's illness got worse and her sex drive decreased, William began to beat Spencer into submission, using him as a way to release whatever was pent up inside of him. When Diana found out, she had no choice but to divorce him, telling Spencer it was her illness that caused it, because she didn't want him to blame himself. Spencer 100% believed that his was was capable of raping and killing Riley Jenkins, because he indeed did molest Spencer, so if his mother never stepped in, would be have been in his spot? Some days, most days he wishes he was. That sent a shiver up his spine. 

Another thought crossed his mind. When he was no more than 14, he had attended Caltech, working on his undergraduate, he met Ethan, a boy much, much older than him. Ethan was everything that Spencer wanted in a partner, well for being 14 and in college that is. He was poetic and smart, he loved to sit and listen to Spencer ramble on about anything and everything, taking notes so he could remember. They would always meet in coffee shops at first, Spencer riding his bike and Ethan driving, he always offer but Spencer loved the fresh air. They were together 3 years. Everything changed after the first year. 

Ethan was a liberal arts major, and spent most of his time playing piano, he wanted to be a jazz musician down in New Orleans, or hiding the liquor on his breath. You see, he wasn't always an alcoholic, but when he found out that Caltech was cracking down on their liberal arts program and he wasn't just going to fly through, he started to drink more and more, upping the dose each time. By this time in the relationship, Spencer had stopped living in his dorm room and moved in with Ethan, and in a couple years given that they legalized gay marriage, they could be married. Things started to change though, subtly at first, by the time Spencer noticed it was too late. 

At first, Ethan just seemed agitated about everything. He seemed to always been on edge and when Spencer tried to help he would snap at him and go be on his own. Ethan would come back about ten minutes latter and be completely fine, like nothing was wrong, so Spencer would just shake it off to stress. Dates became few and far between and it seemed like Ethan was embarrassed to be seen out with the younger man unless they were going somewhere Ethan wanted to go, like to the Jazz club or to the art museum. Spencer though that he was being selfish wanting to go to other places, wanting to do things like they used to, so he never spoke of it, never brought it up, it wouldn't have helped. The once endearing rambles turned into, "Will you just shut the fuck up and do something useful?" or in the worsened cased, when the alcohol was prevalent and Ethan was slurring his speech, Spencer was thrown against the bed that they shared, and hit, ah yes he had learn to not hit Spencer where other could see. He would then, after Spencer was crying from the punts to his stomach and back, pull down his pants, making sure that the younger boy knew that he was his. Although Spencer had told him about his father, this Ethan seemed not to care about protecting Spencer, hell he didn't even like Spencer. So, when Ethan, soft hand turning into weapons of mass destruction were placed on his hips, the younger would often think of what the future held, where would life take him. Would he always be here, with Ethan going in with no lube, no condom, no concern. The tears, the blood, the cum all mixing into one cocktail of hatred. Yet, that's still not what made Spencer leave. However foolish the young boy was, it was because he tried to see the good in others, he wanted to take the pain so no one else had to. 

What was the last straw was when he had came home after the semester, he had been 16 at the time, soon to be 17, Ethan was 19, somewhat a child prodigy himself, and there were bottles littered all over the dorm they shared. It was there university, three years down to the date, not time though, but who really cares? Spencer knew Ethan was waiting till he turned 17 to propose, or at least that's what the elder kept telling him, his birthday was just two months away, and he was honestly expecting anything but this. Spencer looking around, the bottles had no order to them and even though he knew that Ethan drank, I mean it's college, the only one who really didn't was Spencer but still he could be found black out drunk from time to time, he didn't know that it could be this much. The bottles seemed to be leading him to the bedroom. Sorta like flower petals were suppose to, but nothing that romantic was going to happen. 

"Good your home," Ethan hissed, his hair tied in a top not on top of his head as he laid on the bed, his arm slung over his eyes. "I've been waiting on you all day. What you think you can just skip out on me like that, faggot?" 

"Ethan, darling, "Spencer tried to reason, flinching at the slur as it just rolled off of his significant other tongue like it was nothing. "I had class today remember. I'm just finishing up the lose ends to my doctorate. Soon I'll be a doctor!" He smiled, swaying back and forth on the balls of his feet to the heels, waiting for whatever Ethan had to say. 

"So what, you think your too good for me now? Doctor. Ha, I've never heard anything more fucking stupid, oh wait, I've heard Dianna talk." He chuckled, Spencer visibly cringed when he brought up his mother. He hadn't been to see her in over a year and when he did she didn't seem well, he had the paperwork filled out to have her instutionalized, but his moral code told him it was wrong. He sent letter that seemed to never get delivered. 

"I never said that. Can we please not bring her into this? This is about me and you, now isn't it?" 

"You want me to bring your daddy into it then? I bet you do you sick fuck. What was it that he used to say to you?" 

Spencer could feel his eyes welling up with tears, but under no circumstances would he let them fall, he would never let him see him that low. He wouldn't let Ethan know that this got to him. he dug his fingernails into the palm of his skin and took a deep breath. 

"It's our anniversary Ethan. Three years, actually. I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner. I know this-" 

"Get to sucking this cock. That's what it was. When your freak of a mom couldn't do it for him anymore, he went to you, he used you up. That's why your suck a bad fuck isn't it? But god that mouth feels so good. Open up for me." 

Spencer just stood shocked, like the words were never spoken, or they never reached his ears. This man was really bringing up his childhood like it was nothing, belittling his mother and calling him out for things he couldn't control. Was he that bad of a fuck? 

"Did I stutter? All that IQ, doctor, and you can't even follow instructions I give to you. Open. Your. Fucking. Mouth. Before I make you open it, do you understand me Spencie?" Oh god, did he ever hate that nickname. A little part of him, even know, thinks that Ethan and Cat were in cahoots to have known just how much he hated that name. 

Ethan began to get off of the bed, rising to about a foot taller than the boy, when they had talked in New Orleans while Spencer was one a case, Spencer had grown taller than him, but he was still wary, especially when they went to a bar, but he knew that Derek would be there. He missed the jet that day, which most people think it was to reconnect with Ethan, but really, it was to cry over what he really happen that day, all those years ago when he bottled it up and pretended it never happened, told himself that he would speak of it to no one. Ethan grabbed Spencer by his long unruly hair, which he had always seemed fascinated with, and yanked him down to his knees, his hand finding Spencer's jaw and with brute force, opened it, even with the younger clenching. Spencer would have to go to the dentist for minor complications afterwards, but at the moment, the pain was the only thing letting him know that he was alive. Ethan's cock was already out before him, even though Spencer cannot for the life of him remember when the other took down his pants. There was a bottle of whiskey in one hand and the other gripped the back of his neck.

He shoved in deep, causing Spencer to choke as the other just laughed and took a swig, letting himself sway a little as he forced the pink lips to bob back and forth. 

"You've got such a great mouth. I bet that's what your daddy said when he was fuckin' you so hard that you couldn't speak. Isn't that right, Spencie?" He said taking another swig. The bottle was almost full. 

Spencer's eyes were closed, he couldn't bare witness to what was happening. Tears stained his cheeks when the blow job turned into a skull fuck and he was being used as a toy once again. His mind had wondered off, wondered to what was going to happen. Was this his last day on Earth? 

"Look at me while I fuck you, boy." Spencer opened his eyes to the words his father had told him several times before, his mind trapping him to those night, as his entered a panic attack. He watched as Ethan smiled and moaned at his pain. The pleading look in his turning him on more and more. That sadistic bastard. 

"Oh just like that and I'm going to be cumming down you're through, Spencie." Cumming, that was odd, Spencer hadn't came in months, scratch that two years now, after Ethan had suddenly changed. Sure they had "sex" , more like molestation with extra steps, and Ethan would always finish and Spencer would never get hard. Spencer started to think he was asexual, but then he met Derek Morgan, and things turned right around, or on for that matter. 

He could feel Ethan start to throb in his throat, as he took another sip of his bottle and was cumming down his throat. It tasted disgusting, due to the fact that it was liquored. The bottle was emptied by the time Spencer opened his eyes, standing up to regain feeling in his legs. He always felt like a baby giraffe. 

The bottle was then smacked across his temple, breaking on impact, shards of glass implanting themselves in his temple and hair as the rest of the bottle, well besides the neck, lay scattered around him. Blood oozed from the puncture wounds, running down his face and neck, dripping onto his sweater vest, his hair was sticking on the side, what he feared was infection, not the neck of the bottle that his totally unstable boyfriend was holding. 

"Did I tell you, you could get up?" Ethan hissed, his words slurred and he began swaying, but his grip on the bottle never flattered. "I own you fuck-o." Ethan yelled, waving the neck around like it was a toy gun with no regards for the shards falling or that it was dripping alcohol onto the carpet. The carpet, by the way if you were wondering, was now stained red with Spencer's blood and was mixing with the alcohol from the bottle, god, these college cleaning people don't get paid enough. 

"You don't own anything dumbass. I buy the food. I make sure that your dumbass eats and drinks. I own you, but I am not so arrogant enough to say something like that. You sir, have no right to say anything like that. You're...you're fucking drunk, slurring your speech and for what? To be embarrassed to be around me. News flash bucko, I'm a genius, I have an IQ of 187, and I have no more time to spend on your dumbass games. If you ever get your shit together call me, but if not, forget me. Forget I ever existed, trust me it's easy." 

Spencer began to walk off, grabbing his coat and books, "And one more thing, have fun explaining the mess to the Dorm Mom, Linda won't be happy with your ass. Oh and by the way, since I'm a free ride, all of my stuff is paid for already, have fun paying the bill for that." He opened the door just as the neck of the bottle was thrown at his back and shattered. 

That night, Spencer went to the ER and had to get stitched up in serval places, but on the bright side, he was one step closer to his doctorate and he made a friend with one of the nurses who gave him a sucker. His stuff was packed and moved while Ethan was attending class as not to have anymore confrontation, and he was on his was the Yale days following after finishing his first doctorates in mathematics at 16.


	9. Berlin Wall

The kitchen was cold as usual for older apartment complexes that were built in the mid to late 70s, Spencer really needed to talk to the landlord about the centralized heating, but for right now, in the early hours of the morning, or late hours of the night, whatever way you prefer to call it, but as of right now, he had other things on his mind. 

Spencer loved Derek, he truly had ever since he had walked into the BAU doors, but that didn't change the fact that Spencer didn't want Derek thinking of him any less. Yes, he knew about Derek's past, how Carl Buford had molested him at such a young age, getting him drunk on cheap wine, something that Derek will never forget the taste of, but he still couldn't bring himself to tell Derek everything. Spencer scratched at his forehead nervously, his long nimble fingers shaking, almost twitching as he tried to avoid eye contact with Derek, who was measuring out coffee, filling the filter, pouring water into the little opening into the back. 

"So, Pretty Boy, " Derek smirked leaning against the counter that the coffee maker was on, the same coffee maker not even 24 hours ago Spencer had stood in front of, shocked out of his wits and broke a coffee cup, intending to use a shard as a makeshift dagger, or more like shank. "Talk to me. I'm not gonna push you or nothing, but I'm here for you. I always have been, and I always have been." 

Spencer stood, his hands running through his hair, looking down at the floor, his socks contrasting with the Emser tile, curling his toes and then uncurling them. "You... You left Derek. You left and went to SWATT when things got tough. You left to live a better live, you left us, you left... me. Derek, you left me alone. You were, you are my bestfriend. Everything went down hill." Spencer looked up at Derek, showing his doe eyes, tears lining the lids of his soft eyes, the bags more prominent now then before in the dim light. "When you got with Savannah, it slowly started to kill me. I began to drink, not that often at first , but enough to get the idea of you with her out of my head. The idea of you with someone else out of my head." 

"Spencer, I didn't know you felt like that. I didn't know even know that you had feelings for me, but if you would have said something I would have cut it off immediately. I love you, pretty boy, I always have." Derek stressed, calloused hand found it's way to Spencer's shoulder, squeezing it to empathize his words. 

"Derek, please." Spencer whispered, looking back down at his feet, a tear escaping the puffy lids, as he sniffled. "It got worse, the drinking did of course, when the medication stopped working with my mother. Of course I would have called or texted, but my better judgment told me not to, so I didn't tell you since I didn't want to bother you with my issues. When I got arrested in Mexico, yeah logically I could have told someone where I was going, but the only person I would have told was you, so when I woke up, drugged and confused, I was looking for you, but I couldn't find you. So... when I was arrested and sent to the federal penitentiary... I had no desire to put you on the visitation list since I thought you wouldn't come, invested in Savannah and your perfect little life." Spencer sighed, the tears falling, but he didn't falter. He took a shaky breath and continued, " When I arrived, I was 'fresh meat', the new kid, and I didn't look like the others. I was naïve, and I would do anything to make sure that no one else got hurt. It was no surprise when it happened. I mean look at me," 

Spencer motioned up and down his body, Derek looked at him, confusion in his face until a wave of understanding washed over him. "Spencer... don't tell me," Derek whispered, more to himself. 

"It didn't happen as bad at first, it was just one of them. One man, holding me down. Telling me how much of a bitch I am, how pretty I am as I take his cock. Then it moved to two. As they used me over and over again until I just became numb. I stopped screaming Derek, I became used to it again. I became a shell of myself. And you know the worst part was, I started to murmur your name to help me, to save me. Sometimes, just thinking about your strong arms wrapped around me, holding me tight, would make me finish, making a mess of myself as they laughed and called me degrading names. The other men in the cells across watched, I saw them masturbating to my pain Derek. I saw them get off on it, and I just watched it like an out of body experience." At this Spencer fell to his knees, unable to keep himself up, tears, sobs, fell down his cheeks, as his hands shook, holding himself on the ground. Derek watched, with tear filled eyes, opening and closing his mouth, like a gasping fish, but not wanting to interrupt the younger man as he let his walls crumble. 

"After prison, when I got out, I drank worse and worse. I was drunk almost every night, anything to get the memories out of my head, but you know what Derek. I have an eidetic memory, I cannot forget anything. I'm haunted forever. I don't know how to get passed this. I don't know how you will get passed this with me like this. So let me as you, are you sure you want this?" The question was almost lost in the sobs, the sounds of Spencer wheezing as Derek held him close to his chest. The older man was leaning against the cupboards now, as the other sat curled on his lap, tears staining his shirt. 

"Baby I have known you for 12 years, and I swear to God, I have loved you for all 43 years of my life, I just hadn't met you yet. I was looking for you though angel, and I won't ever let you ago again, that was the worst mistake of my life. I hope you can forgive me for that, I was foolish, but I am with you for the long run if you will have me. What do you mean by you 'became used to it again'," 

The only sound was breathing, and the sniffles that Spencer would occasionally make for what felt like an eon, but what was really like two minutes. This was the make it or break it moment. Spencer could come clean about his past, about his father, about Ethan, about everything, but that would also mean having to see the look of pity in Derek's eyes. Derek treating him like a fragile flower, even though he was so much stronger then anyone would ever know, even himself. 

Spencer shook his head, just forceful enough that he knew Derek would feel it. Dumbass, Ethan's voice seared into his mind, echoing and pounding into his skull like a brand, can't you do anything right. You're suppose to be a genius and you can't even do simple things. Why wouldn't he have just held his tongue and not said that simple, "again". 

"Spencer, tell me what the fuck you meant," Derek, in a more possessive way then he intended, growled. His care coming out as anger when the man wouldn't tell him what was going on when he just wanted to help. Spencer flinched and whimpered, curling into himself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, Spencer please tell me-" 

"My dad," Spencer began, cutting of Derek completely. He either did not care what the older man had to say or he just decided that whatever he had to say was more important and he had to get it off his chest, either way, Derek was not mad, and just ran his hand through the locks of the younger man. " Do you remember Riley Jenkins?" A sigh escaped, either from exhaustion or finally being able to get this off his chest, finally being able to tell someone. 

"Uh, that boy from your dreams, yeah Spencer. We found out that, that local Pedo raped him and killed him. Your dad was innocent. Your mom killed that sick son of a bitch with his dad, and your dad burned her clothes." Ah yeah, Derek had been there for the investigation, Rossi and him afraid of what the young boy would do. Vegas was a dangerous place, especially for a young genius, who was banned by almost, if not all casinos for 'card counting'. Derek was with him every step along the way, even through the nightmares that still plagued him, but he wouldn't tell the team that, how could he? 

"My father coached little league remember? When my mother was undergoing her first really bad days after I was born and into adolescence, when he was still around that is. Riley and I were on the same team, we were the same age, we went to the same school, Derek. We went to the same park, and sure, Gary Michaels did come up to me as well, but-" 

"Spencer what are you getting at?" 

"I'm rambling I'm sorry. My mother got to the point to where she couldn't preform sexual activities, sex became difficult for her in many ways, not only physically but mentally. At some point in my early youth, my father begun to sneak into my room late at night, presumably when I was sleeping, but you know how light of a sleeper I am. They were always fighting, up until early hours of the morning, and he would end it by sneaking away for hours into my room and-" Spencer choked on his sobs, trying to cough out the words. His fingers were tapping rhythmically at the side of his thigh. 

"Spencer you don't need to continue of you don't want to. I know this is hard." He placed a kiss on the younger man's head. Listening to the shallow breathing turn into hiccups, and then it stilled until it was a long, deep breath. 

"I have to get it out. I have to tell you. If you are to love me you have to know. That's why Ethan didn't love me, y'know. He always told me that my father was right about two things, that my mother was a crazy bitch, and that I'm only good at being used as a toy. My father continued on for months until on a lucid day I told my mother. I know that's why they got the divorce even though she says it is her." 

Derek's eyes went wide hearing what Ethan had called Spencer. If one thing was true, when they were on the case in Louisiana, Derek had a bad feeling about Ethan, but he didn't say anything due to it being Spencer's business and he didn't want to overstep his boundaries and risk the kid hating him for some reason, but now, after knowing that, he wished he could go back and beat the shit out of that mother fucker. "Honey, so many of those things are not true. You're mother is not a crazy bitch. And you, for God sakes, you are the most beautiful, talented, intelligent, strong, caring man I know Spencer Walter Reid. Fuck Ethan if he can't see that. I knew something was up with that prick in Louisiana. I'm thankful he didn't love you, that just means that I get to love you longer." Derek said with a little chuckle, before realizing what Ethan really had done to Spencer, all the truly gruesome things that the young man had witnessed in his short life. 

"I mean, logically you are true. I just wished I would have known sooner. I wouldn't have had to deal with the beer bottles, the drunken sex, the lack of concern, the... the rapes, the fighting, the bruises he would leave-" The list continued, but Spencer couldn't, he couldn't bring himself to speak anymore as his chest heaved and he was sobbing once more. 

The coffee was well past done as the two men sat on the floor of the kitchen, Derek with his head in the crock of Spencer neck, smelling the vanilla shampoo he used and rocking him back and forth. Patroclus came bumbling in, his head stuck in a plastic bag, which made the older man chuckle, but he never let go of the other. 

"Don't think less of me. I know I'm a mess and that it seems like shit follows me but I swear-" 

"Shh, Pretty Boy, I don't think any less of you. Why would I? You're the most perfect being in the world to me. You need to get your rest, you exhausted yourself. Come rest on me, do you want me to carry you to bed." 

Spencer nodded, slowly as his eyes fluttered shut. He murmured, "J-Just don't leave me," before falling asleep in Derek's arms. 

"I wouldn't dream of it."


End file.
